Tuesday, January 20, 2009

The great glove offense

With what I believed to be a completely new and brilliant idea, I raced up the steps to my sewing room with Owen's mittens in hand. I had it. The perfect solution to the old snow-in-the-cuff problem. You remember it right? It's the point where your coat and your mittens just don't q u i t e make it together. So there you are with snow jam packed around your wrist until it feels like that part of your body just might drop off and then, oh yes, of course you must *take off the gloves, shake, shake, shake...ohh very cold naked hand...hurry... put the mitten back on...and repeat from [*] every 5 minutes until it's time to go back inside. I remember not being a fan of this when I was little. Well, I have been watching Owen do it all season long and I can't believe it never occurred to me to just fix the problem. He doesn't like it. I can fix it. Seems clear enough. Right?

So off to the machine I went. "Oh he is going to love this," I kept telling myself as I watched the sewing needle pound away on his tiny mittens. Stitch. Stitch. Stitch. "That kid is just going to think this is great. Just a few more stitches to go and these gloves will be equipped with a new wrist protector that would dazzle any 3 year old." Suddenly with my eyes starting to slant and my head cocked to one side I thought, "wait a minute....he's 3...not even 3...he's 2 point 75. This will be bad. This will be ugly. What was I thinking?" I put the last few stitches in, trimmed off a few pieces of thread, picked up the mittens and headed back downstairs.

I made a great effort to prepare him for what I had just done. "Hey there my super sweet boy...geez you sure are a nice boy...uh, listen...do you remember how you kept getting snow in your gloves outside and that you DID NOT like it?" It was with the best intentions that I committed, what I now knew, would be such a great offense. CHANGE! Up to this point he had been completely agreeable and then he saw what I had done. "What on earth has she done to them", I could see him ponder with his eyes red and bulging as he looked on them with disgust. Some horrible, grotesque appendages were now hanging from his perfectly sweet and formerly functional mittens. I braced myself for his thoughtful response. "RRRRhhhhaaaaa!". All of the glassware in our house nearly shattered as he explained his feelings about the offense. His uvula, perfectly visible during this commentary, was undulating with great fury at the back of his throat as he hurled these toddler obscenities at me, the offender.

After calming down a bit, he explained how he DID like getting snow around the cuff of his mittens. He enjoyed taking them off, shaking them, and trying to put them back on "all by self"(toddler-speak for "without your interference"). He informed me that he would not be wearing these mittens because they were now dysfunctional as they do not allow the snow to gather around the cuff. Now I knew that he did not like getting snow in his mittens. He just didn't want his mittens to have changed in any way because change is dreadful especially when you are 2 point 75 years old, but I went with the whole liking-snow-around-the-cuff thing anyway.

"Well Owen, I thought you might feel that way," I explained "so if you'll examine this portion of your mitten closely you will find I have left just enough room for you to jam some snow in right here. The new 'snow pocket', let's call it, is outlined in neon green on both mittens so it will be easy to find even in dim light." Blank stare. "Well, I guess we should put them on and let you run outside so you can get right to shoveling that snow into your mittens my dear boy." More staring. This time however, the staring was accompanied with squinted eyes that said, "I really don't like it when you take that tone with me momma." But much to my amazement, he put them on and he hasn't said anything about them since. In case your wondering, he did not try to put any snow in his new "snow pockets".

So, I guess it isn't nice to take someone's whatever, cut it up, abuse it with a sewing machine while changing it around just the way you want it without asking first. Even if it is a REALLY excellent idea. Next time, I'll ask. I'm learning.


  1. Hey. I am Julia's friend (Julia Law, aka Katie Smith or whatever she is calling herself these days!) She just came over and had me look up your site. What cutie pie kids you have. I love that baby doll your daughter has. My baby girl is just starting to love on her dolls. So cute.

    Anyways just wanted to say hi.

  2. Oh Jaime! You have such a way with words! Love your blog!